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Physical or Social Malaise?




For a couple of days now, I could not afford going to work. My throat has been complaining of a tiresome monotony. When my doctor diagnosed it, she said it was just a simple irritation caused by an 'unknown allergy'. I was speculating that I was suffering from tonsillitis, but she opposed it by suspecting that it must be an earlier symptom of pharyngitis. How grudging!

A few hours before this blog, I was once again complaining of an irritated eye. It must be a curse! A pink eye! People will stay away from me for days. Sigh... I will be treated to be a carrier of health epidemic. Waaaah!!!

Now I'm beginning to ask myself, what have I done? What is going on that slowly brings me to paralysis? Am I overworked? I must admit I am underpaid, but it must be unfair to claim that I am overworked. Am I depressed? Why can I afford throwing laughter at even the most pathetic forwarded jokes by texters?

I must be suffering from malaise. Answers-dot-com provides a simple definition of malaise:
  1. A vague feeling of bodily discomfort, as at the beginning of an illness.
  2. A general sense of depression or unease: “One year after the crash, the markets remain mired in a deep malaise” (New York Times).
I am more convinced that what I am experiencing at the moment is not simply a matter of physical malaise. This must be brought about by some external factors.

For several months now, I am waiting for the arrival of my notice of approval. My agency has promised repeatedly but to no avail. I know they won't scam me for that but maybe, I am not simply in their priority list. Bless them because I will never recommend them to anyone else. Deep inside me is a suspicion. I keep relieving myself by communicating with batch mates who will go to the first world. They, too, experience the same. But that suspicion is rooted to what happened in 2005 when another agency ran away from us with all our money in their pocket. Long and complicated story will fill this entire page.

As an ordinary powerless Pinoy, I am often haunted by the anticipation that the economic depression in the country will bring forth more consequences to our lives. I must be able to escape (I'm sorry for this). LOL!

The post-SONA days will become even worst as expectations are not met. Depression and failures are in the air. How can I recover from a simple malaise when I am enclouded by negative vibes?

Yesterday's SONA must have probably triggered bloggers everywhere to write their own interpretation. I will not do it. Not because I don't have anything to write, but because no one will read my blog since everyone has an interpretation of it.

Clearly, my situation is affirmed by C. Wright Mills' claim that personal troubles are, indeed, influenced by social issues. I don't think I am the only one who suffers from malaise nowadays. I'm just probably among the few who are brave enough to write this. Pinoys come and speak!


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